So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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