ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
