I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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