I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize