Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
