I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
