yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
