i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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