WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
