they need to just BURY HIM!
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
