I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
