my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
