Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Dicks are not precious.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
