The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
