i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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