Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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