My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
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