Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
