every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
