Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
