If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
