This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
