Please, let me fuck your mom
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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