I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Your tits are I can't wait for
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
