Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
