She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I take back everything I said about communal showers
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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