so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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