im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
