my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
