There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
