OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
