My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
