And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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