Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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