don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
