I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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