Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
