i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
