My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
