TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
