drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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