I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
The adults are the big ones right?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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