chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
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After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
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I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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