fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
