Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
