so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
