he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
he laminated a picture of his dick.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
