His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
