Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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