I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
