No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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