ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
