so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
