She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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