At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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