bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
You took a bar mat shot.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
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