You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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