we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
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