remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
