lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
