drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
